Articles/Top Ten Lists

You come into the world alone and you leave it alone. Try not to depend on others for your primary needs.... self-sufficiency is one of the main indicators of self-actualization. It is important to stay open to receive the love others want to give us... it is another to require others to sustain our lives and happiness.

 

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Ways to Attract an Incredible Relationship

"To love and be loved." Someone once told me that to love and to be loved is the essential desire of human beings - I don't doubt that. Attracting a relationship that is passionate, joyful, exciting and easy occupies the thoughts of most single men and women's daily lives. I have reflected on those things that I have done and am doing to attract and maintain the incredible relationship in which I currently find myself.

1. Extreme Self-Care.

If you want to attract a loving, caring relationship into your life, start with yourself. This demonstrates that you are capable of entering into one with someone else and provides evidence that you are not merely in the relationship to be cared for. Since you're already caring for yourself, you can enter a relationship free of requirements and needs. Maintaining self-care can also help you determine if the relationship you are in begins to deviate from the healthiest paths. Do you find that you are unable to take care of yourself in a suitable manner and unable to request support from your partner?.... hmmmmmm..... Perhaps something in the relationship is out of balance.

Be diligent about taking care of your appearance. Create a healthy lifestyle for yourself. Make sure that you are living the standard that you would want to invite into your life.

2. Strong Personal Foundation.

This goes along with Point #1. Healthy relationships are made up of individuals who are living out of their values, not their needs. Make sure that your reserves are in place or that you are working on building them. My way of wording it has always been that a relationship should be the icing, not the cake. This also includes resolving past issues. Try not to let the past insinuate itself into the present. If you need to work on issues of your past, see a professional. Allow a potential partner to see the incredibly present-tense you! Live in the "I am," not the "I was."

3. Know what you want.

Reflect. Contemplate. Even if you've never had it before, what is it that you REALLY want when you envision your day-to-day life within a relationship. I wanted to travel; I wanted someone who just wanted to have fun; I wanted someone who was born in May; I wanted someone who enjoyed the play and personality of animals; I wanted someone who noticed sunsets; I wanted someone who practiced a healthy and physically fit lifestyle; I wanted someone who loved all kinds of music.

Once you have developed a sense of what you want, write it down! Talk about it with friends! Make sure that you say it out loud and repeat it in your mind. Convert it from vision to reality - if you build it......etc.

4. Tell him/her what you want from the outset.

Once you know, you want to tell him/her what it is you want from the relationship. If he/she does not share the same pleasures and interests as you - and you see no way of viewing the differences as opportunities for exploring new experiences, then have the strength to walk away. In the end, there will be clashes and feelings of resentment. To avoid resentment - face and accept the facts. How many of your desires are you willing to give up? How many of your partner's desires are you willing to ask him/her to give up? How long do you think a relationship can survive under those conditions?

5. Listen to your Intuition Flags.

They are there. We have all felt them and seen them and heard them. We have all experienced the consequences of ignoring them. Take your time, go slow and stay alert. Oh, yeah.... don't forget to act on them.

6. Be up front about your sexual needs, wants, and desires.

Sex and money. These two areas reflect issues in relationship faster than anything else. These areas could just as easily be covered under the point on Personal Foundations, but I think sex deserves special attention. Talk about the frequency which you prefer; talk about the conditions you like. Are you an experimenter? Are you somewhat "traditional?" I especially encourage women to be straightforward with the men with whom they are getting involved.

7. Choose your battles wisely.

Even the oldest texts will state that a mutual level of respect is essential to a strong, healthy, lasting relationship. Each partner must see the other as a full equal. What goes hand in hand with this is the free expression of ideas. If you feel you must challenge your partner's position, make sure that it's really worth it. Make sure that your motivation is not merely to be right. My partner and I both share a love of debate - we are both able to accept the difference of an opinion. We never allow an issue to rise to the level of importance that a disagreement about it may lead to painful feelings and/or harsh words in the relationship. We don't necessarily agree about everything, but we are not afraid to discuss the differing points of view.

8. Always be aware that relationship is choice.

Both yours and your partner's. Every moment can be a renewal of the choice. Show gratitude that your partner is choosing in and expect to feel your partner's gratitude.

9. Be willing to let go.

Sometimes relationships end, but because we have invested so much time and energy, we feel that we should hold on past the life of the relationship. Create the value that the relationship has held for you and be grateful for it. The longer you stay in a relationship that has no true value, the more you will diminish that which is true.

10. Trust in your own lovability.

Don't spend too much time worrying about your partner loving you. If you feel loved, you are loved. Express the joy of living and loving and it will return to you. We are the final authority in experience of reality. Use your personal authority to enhance the love you feel. Questioning it is equivalent to doubting it. In that space, you cannot show gratitude, joy, or pleasure. The very things that you are desiring to create.

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Fears that Stop Us from Having the Relationship We Want

Everyone wants healthy, satisfying, mutually generous and regenerating relationships. Yet, many express amazement when they see others who have created one, because they haven't been able to do it. People seldom want to look at the "fears" that run them and their actions when dealing with their relationships. I've identified what I believe to be the ten most common fears that stop people from having the kind of relationships they want. Usually these fears originate from a person's developmental experiences and the resulting sense of themselves, combined with a relationship history that is patterned from those experiences.

1. It is inevitable that the relationship will end painfully.

Perhaps the relationship will end... when that happens some pain is probably inevitable. It is the idea of the inevitability of the end that needs to be addressed. To confront the fear of the future, or the past, it is important to remain in the present. Avoid talking about past experiences too much. Try not to over-anticipate where the relationship is going. By staying in the present, you give the relationship the greatest opportunity to evolve according to its own path. In addition, by staying in the present, you give yourself the opportunity to recognize and process intuitive signals about the relationship that may help to avoid additional hurt in the long run.

2. Nobody can ever really understand me.

Try to think of the psycho-emotional life of human beings as being made up of a deck of cards. There are only 52 cards in the deck and in any given round you may be dealt some combination of the 52. But everyone is playing with the same deck. Try to communicate what you are experiencing through the use of metaphor.... sometimes this is the best way to get others to connect with who we are and what we feel. Start off in a private journal perhaps, then graduate to close friends and associates... until you begin to become comfortable and feel visible.

3. I won't be able to maintain the energy a good relationship requires.

Establishing and maintaining a healthy, satisfying relationship does require work, and the definition of work implies the expenditure of energy (remember high school physics). However, energy is a tricky notion and we often don't give ourselves credit for just how capable we all are at creating it. A while back, I attended a seminar in which the facilitator insisted that energy was a choice. He insisted that if a million dollars were at stake, we would all find the energy to do what was necessary to get the money. Theoretically, I understood. Well, it was my turn to be one of the group leaders at another seminar; I finally understood what he meant. When I least felt I could go on, I found the energy to serve my team beyond what I thought was possible. I learned, then and there, that I was more capable of doing whatever it takes than I ever believed. Of course, a healthy relationship is supposed to provide you, from time to time, with the space to relax from the stresses of life. Be willing to ask for the space you need to regenerate (occasionally - don't take advantage). If your partner is not willing to give you that space, perhaps there are other issues at play.

4. I'll have to give up too much of myself.

Each individual has the power to set the boundaries for his/her life. If you have difficulty establishing firm boundaries for your "self" - you need to work on that with a coach or, perhaps even, a therapist. Be incredibly selfish. By exercising extreme self-care, you will be able to bring more of your authentic self into the relationship; the result will take the relationship to incredibly new levels.

5. He/she will eventually see the "real" me and reject me.

Human beings are multi-faceted; the falsehood is that the social self we present is not the authentic self.... it is!! It is a part of who we are. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses; everyone has a "shadow" (as Carl Jung defined it). Embrace all aspects of you. Until you are willing to accept the potential dark side of who you are, you are blocked from being able to fully actualize the self. All aspects of who you are to the world are part of the whole you!

6. He/she won't understand my physical needs and desires.

There are plenty of sex therapists out there who will give advice on how to introduce requests for unusual sex play.... this topic is not merely about that area of physical relationships. Human sexuality is critical to our existence. No one should deny or avoid addressing what they want or need to satisfy this area of their lives. Again, it is important to share and to be open to a partner's sharing... free of judgment. Through open communication, we can learn whether or not we are compatible with our partners. The sooner we discover this, the more able we are to successfully negotiate and invest in a relationship that is fully satisfying.

7. He/she will discover "this area" of my life where I am weak and will judge me entirely on that.

Risky, yes, but necessary. We must show a certain amount of vulnerability and trust that the person we've chosen authentically loves and cares for us, in spite of potential flaws. However, we cannot control other people's responses. The best thing to do is to allow our partners to see who we are (over time) and learn whether or not they are worthy of our trust. But fearing their response doesn't serve our own long term interest. If they judge us, we don't want them... if they don't, hiding from them only breeds mistrust.

8. Nobody is entirely honest and trustworthy; so, I can't trust him/her.

Some people are neither honest, nor worthy of our trust. This is a good reason to stay present and in touch with our intuition. Assuming that you can't trust anybody indicates the issue is more related to earlier life issues. In order to have an incredible relationship, it is necessary to allow yourself to be vulnerable...not to the point of potential danger, and not fully vulnerable immediately. Again, stay present and listen to your intuitive responses.

9. He/she is trying to get something from me.

First, ask yourself if your partner has actually done anything to indicate this, or if you have the tendency to enter into relationships with this mindset. Remember, you are always in control and able to set the boundaries of what you are willing to give. Be fully responsible for what you freely give to people.... you won't feel taken advantage of as easily. Also, relationships are about giving and getting.... you don't need to worry that you will run out of yourself... there is always more of YOU! If you are willing to "give" yourself... then no one has the opportunity to "take" from you.

10. If I let him/her know how much I love him/her, they will interpret it as "need," get scared and leave.

Sometimes, it is not necessary to report to your partner the full extent of every feeling you experience. The beauty and the value of experiencing ourselves in relationship with another human being is just that.... experiencing ourselves. Often there is great value in contemplating our own ability to experience the capacity to love and relate. Practice enjoying your own ability to relate and eventually you'll feel comfortable communicating your experience without fear of how the other person may respond. Which, by the way, is quite out of your control anyway.

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Things Which Make Us Fundamentally Human (part 1)

After decades studying literature in the hopes of discovering those things which may be called universally or fundamentally true, I've identified ten of them below. There are, of course, more. These just happen to be some that are currently quite noticeable to me. This will likely become a series.

1. We want to believe in something that helps us to feel that we know.

I think of Moby Dick. Ahab pursued the white whale because it challenged his world order; it was the "colorless, all-color of atheism from which we shrink." As human beings, our mode of survival is our reasoning ability. We make choices based on what we know at any given point in time. From Astrology to Buddhism to Atheism to Science, human beings turn to systems of belief to assure them that what they "know" to be true is indeed true.

2. Our work is an expression of our perceived value.

Our work, what we produce, what we are given in exchange for what we produce is an expression of our sense of our own value. This is the underlying problem with communism; this is a fundamental cause of revolution, as that which took place in 1776. If a person works to produce the value of $100, but is only given $60, that person will feel a diminished sense of himself and feel intolerant of it and eventually rebel, or will accept the diminished value as all that is deserved according to the low value he/she holds of him/herself. This is why we are so angry when we read Animal Farm and see how Boxer is treated; this issue is the core of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged; this is the underlying principle in the Declaration of Independence.

3. We are seeking a soul connection with one or more persons.

I cannot say it any better than Nathaniel Hawthorne in The Scarlet Letter: "Some authors . . . indulge themselves in such confidential depths of revelation as could fittingly be addressed, only and exclusively, to the one heart and mind of perfect sympathy; as if the printed book, thrown at large on the wide world, were to find out the divide segment of the writer's own nature, and complete his circle of existence by bringing him into communion with it." And, we, as readers, seek the same. This expands to more than just literature, but, for the context of his life, Hawthorne articulated it quite well.

4. We are often afraid of the unknowable depths of our potential for hurting others.

I think this explains so many of the ritualized systems that keep us in check with good and evil to which we willingly submit. I also think it explains our voyeuristic fascination with the dark side of human behavior. The Gothics and Dark Romantics express this.

5. How we relate to our primary needs (food, sex, money) reflects how we relate to and value ourselves.

Most psychologists understand this principle. In trying to articulate a literary reference, I think of Madame Bovary. Her sense of scarcity in these primary needs leads her along an increasingly destructive and self-deluded path, until she ultimately destroys herself. This story also serves as a prime example of Item #10.

6. What we fear most in ourselves colors what we see in others.

An understanding of this comes not merely from my study of stories, but also from my study of Jungian analysis. It is the issue of Projection. What we refuse to acknowledge as a potential, or even actual, flaw in ourselves, becomes that by which we judge and criticize others. For those who remember, this was the final revelatory consequence of the embroidered A in The Scarlet Letter. It acted as the mirror of all the other Puritan's sins. And only the acknowledgment of the *sin* within ourselves allows us to transcend judgment, both of ourselves and others.

7. Energy is a choice, deeply affected by our view of our capability in an endeavor.

The Little Train That Could. Need I elaborate?

8. Rational self-interest/self-love is a prerequisite for all other health and happiness.

From such diverse sources as Christ's "Love your neighbor, as you love yourself," and Rand's exhortations of the self in The Fountainhead, the experience of self value comes through repeatedly throughout historical ideologies.

9. We tend to stay with the familiar, even if it is not beneficial to our continued growth/even if it is destructive.

Thomas Jefferson articulated this in the Declaration of Independence and I think it is an often overlooked comment: "all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." We recognize the heroism in those who refuse to tolerate the wrongs when seen on a large scale, but we often fail to see the hero in ourselves, when we refuse to tolerate the small wrongs which occur in our daily lives and to which we've grown accustomed.

10. We often compensate for our feelings of inferiority by asserting a sense of superiority over others in a constant comparison with them.

Anyone who has read or viewed a film version of Pride and Prejudice can immediately identify with what this statement is saying. It is, however, supported more substantially in the field of Individual Psychology. Charles Dickens dealt with this issue quite a bit in his characterizations; e.g. Uriah Heep, Miss Havisham.

 

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Reasons for Creating Daily Rituals

This subject has been present in my life for some time. I am in the process of creating, supporting and acknowledging the value of daily rituals in my life to maintain balance, connectedness and consciousness. What are your daily rituals?

1. Mainstream your life.

Essential aspects of your daily life can be consciously created as ritual experiences... actions done on a daily basis to reinforce the unity of your will, spirit, and daily needs. They ultimately become acts of habit that mainstream your daily life.

2. Discover your priorities.

Once you've streamlined your daily actions, your priorities become clear.

3. Face your fears.

The quietness of rituals provides the space for your fears to surface so that you can face and dismantle them.

4. Acknowledge your strengths.

Daily rituals are personal acknowledgements and are a gift to the self. They recognize inner strengths and act them out on a daily basis.

5. Recognize your common humanity.

Daily rituals remind us of not only our individual spirit, but of our connectedness to all human spirit.

6. Discover what calms your soul.

Rituals transcend through consciousness to sub- and even un-consciousness and allow you to connect to your deepest inner self.

7. Identify with your spirituality.

The rituals which you choose allow you to connect with your personal meaningfulness.

8. Reinforce your creative consciousness.

Each deliberate movement connects you with your creative self.

9. Develop your instincts.

Your consciousness enables you to connect with your natural instincts.

10. Create incredible well-being.

I connect my physical, mental and spiritual selves through rituals of well-being: dietary choices, movement, meditation. Each of us chooses our path(s) for well-being. Daily rituals support our path(s).

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Eliminations on the Road to Health

Most people want to improve their health. In America, "healthy" living usually takes a back seat to "hearty" living. There is not a lot of support for healthy living in our day-to-day lives. The following are some immediate things to "eliminate" to move towards a healthier, and happier, self.

1. Sugar. Including sodas, both regular and diet.

There are many ways to get sweets, sugar is NOT an acceptable option. Recent studies show that sugar and other "simple" carbohydrates are at the center of our health and obesity problems.

If you want chocolate on a regular basis, there are products out there that are sweetened with natural alternatives, such as barley malt. Dolphin Brand chocolates are a good example. You can stock up on them: at home, at the office, in your handbag/briefcase.

The prime alternative is, of course, fruit. Fruit has the added advantage of providing the nutrients to process the naturally occurring sugars most effectively, as well as the fiber needed to keep your digestive track humming.

 

If you must have soda, try making your own with juice and soda water.

2. Red Meat.

Atkins or no Atkins, red meat offers no redeemable value to the human diet. I say redeemable, because when you take into consideration the detriments to consuming red meat - heart disease, cancer, intestinal complications, stroke - there appears to be no justifiable reason for continuing the consumption, even with the B12. If you must eat animal meat, convert to the less detrimental fowl; or, better still, give up the animals and convert to fish. The health benefits to consuming fish have been clearly documented.

3. Refined Grains.

Oh, my! This is a tough one! What? No pasta, no rice, no bread? Actually, there is an incredible market out there of whole grain products, especially now that studies are revealing the inherent value of eating foods in their most natural, whole state. Eat whole wheat pastas, brown rice, whole wheat/whole grain bread. Yes, brown rice takes longer to cook, 3 times as long as white rice, but the health benefits are incredible! Whole grains are not "simple" carbohydrates, they are "complex" carbohydrates. They will provide your body with sustained energy and an abundance of nutrients and fiber. Whole grains take longer for your body to process than refined grains, so you feel fuller, longer and, thus, suppress hunger.

4. Vendor Foods.

Do not eat anything that is vended from a machine. If you find you are often out on the road needing fast food items, make it a habit to keep an apple handy or a whole grain energy bar. (I eat Clif's bars.) If you find you must vend food - try the sourdough pretzels; they usually have no added sugars or preservatives.

5. Preserved Foods.

I can't help but feel that it is the preservatives in the foods we eat that keep them sitting in our colons for so long, breeding disease. We have pumped our foods with chemicals to keep them from breaking down, then eat them and expect them to break down easily.

Healthy, whole foods SHOULD have a limited life - the life energy that exists in those natural foods is the life energy that we take into our bodies. If the foods we eat are dead for too long, all the life energy is gone and we consume the foods without the benefit of the energy. Now that's what I call "empty calories."

6. Any food with an ingredient that you cannot identify.

I realize that when you are out to lunch on a business meeting, you are unable to request the ingredients list for each item used in preparing your meal. However, when you are out shopping, take advantage of what consumer organizations (those are the ones representing your best interests as a consumer) have fought so hard for and actually read the labels containing the ingredients list and nutritional data. And while you're at it, could somebody please tell me just what is in those artificial flavorings?

7. Whole milk products.

If possible, give up dairy altogether. I know, I know; anyone who has ever tried to do it, knows that dairy consumption is so prevalent in our culture that it is almost frightening - and almost impossible to eliminate. Do what you can. Skim milk, yogurt, reduced fat cheeses are tasty and a much healthier alternative to the whole dairy items.

For those who would consider eliminating dairy, every day there are ever more outstanding soy and rice alternatives that have similar flavors and textures to their dairy counterparts. But, I must admit, even I break down at least once a year for some brie; some things just cannot be duplicated.... (c:

8. Toxic Relationships.

If you have relationships that encourage activities and consumption that are counter to your health interests - reduce the time spent in those relationships or, gulp, eliminate them entirely. Birds of a feather flock together, as they say, and if you want to alter your health, you need to associate with other health-minded people. Try it, you'll like it - and them.

9. 25% of your television viewing time.

What! You thought this was all going to be about food! Not so, the other half of the equation is USING UP all the great energy that we consume. If we take in energy and don't expend it, then we are storing it - you know what that translates into - weight. So, get off the easy chair and do something around the house. If you have to watch that program, watch it while you're ironing the laundry. Just keep active.

10. The notion that it is out of your control.

Give it up!! Each time we engage in a behavior, we are making a choice!

 

Of course, if you have other issues or compulsivities which would require professional help, you should use every means at your disposal to regain full control of your life and faculties and seek out therapies and/or support groups.

 

Such is NOT the case for the majority, and yet, the majority are not engaging in healthy practices. Don't think in terms of will power - just think in terms of power, and who's got it: you or that slice of pizza? If you say "the pizza," you know you are laughing even before you take that first bite - accept the truth that you are always empowered to make the choice, whatever that choice may be.

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Ways to Get Your Daily Exercise

Recent studies show that, in order to achieve any significant amount of weight loss and/or improvement to fitness, an individual must exercise for 1 hour per day. The good news: it does NOT have to be all at once.

1. Wake up to stretching and mild toning for 10 minutes.

This doesn't require anything in the way of equipment. Make it a habit to stretch for 5 minutes and do leg lifts and crunches for the other 5 minutes.

2. Order a short aerobic workout tape (such as Billy Blanks' Tae-Bo series - which includes an 8-minute workout) and use it in the morning before you shower.

Sometimes it's hard to get started in the morning, but a 40-minute aerobic workout tape is just too much when you're rushing to get to work or whatever... try a shorter tape. Or do only the first 15 minutes of a longer tape before heading off..... save the rest for the evening.

3. Make morning stretches a daily routine for the whole family.

Take advantage of the opportunity to bond and build health in your entire family by starting a morning Tai-Chi routine with your significant other(s).

4. Go for a 20-minute run-walk in the morning - before breakfast.

Not only is it good for your heartrate, it's good for your digestion and metabolism.

5. Start a run-walk club with your co-workers, or with others in your general community (networking opportunity!). Bring a walkman and turn your lunch hour into a real power lunch!

This is the second phase of the hour-long exercise program. Keeps the digestive system going strong. By creating a club you get support and provide it for others who are trying to strengthen.

6. Do some office toning exercises.

There are many exercise routines for muscle toning that have been designed for those trapped at their desks all day. Take 15 minutes to do some of these exercises. Refresh and renew and, whatever you do, don't answer the phone while you are busy getting your daily requirement.

7. Take advantage of special classes offered by local fitness clubs, community schools, etc.

Sometimes we forget that dance is a wonderful form of exercise. See if your community offers bellydancing or Swing dancing. Most have classes for singles and doubles, so don't be shy.

8. Make it a habit, weather permitting, to ride a bike for 20 minutes after dinner. Or, ask your children to teach you how to rollerblade - then do it for 20 minutes after dinner.

This is a nice way to keep the blood flowing and winding down after a long day... you may even get to know your neighbors...... and it can allow some end-of-the-day conversation time with your little ones.

9. Insert the second half of the tape you started in the morning.

Now is the time for the rest of the tape. Or, perhaps, a different 20-30 workout routine. The Billy Blanks' Tae-Bo has a 20-minute Basic and a 60-minute Advanced, in addition to the 8-minute quick workout. But there are others out there as well; find one that suits you. (Disclaimer: No, I do not get a commission from Blanks' - I use them myself and always recommend what I know works from personal experience.)

10. Break out your Ab-roller while you're watching your favorite show.

Challenge yourself to do rolls for the entire time the commercials are on.... those of you who have done it know exactly how hard it can be.

Most importantly, remember that you don't have to do it all at once. Stay conscious about making exercise an all-day-long activity.

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Ways to Maintain a Positive Point of View

Most people know about the power of positive thinking, but we are often distracted from maintaining a positive mindset. Positive energy begets positive energy. If you are looking for positive results in your life, create the energy that will attract them.

1. Take a second and realize... you are alive!

As bad as things can get, what is the alternative to your experience - no experience at all, in other words, death. Show gratitude for being alive.

2. Stop and smell the roses. Seriously.

We are all busy. Every so often we must look at a sunset, or cloud formation, or tree. If necessary, bring flowers to your office and use them for a daily meditation. If it doesn't seem to come naturally, convince yourself of the beauty of nature - keep at it and see what happens.

3. Random acts of kindness.

Really. It works. Let the car into your lane. Have a friendly conversation with your local cashier. Smile at a child. Be conscious about your positive acts.

4. Eat quality foods.

Not only do you deserve quality foods, you need them. Invest in your personal well-being.

5. Exercise regularly.

Oh, just do it. Join a gym. See if you have a community fitness center. You don't need to be a fitness guru or Mr. or Ms. America. Take 45 minutes out of your day to work your muscles and strengthen your body, mind and spirit.

6. Make at least one friendly phone call a day.

Not for business or to have any other need met. Just call one person for a friendly "hello" without any expectation from them.

7. Take responsibility for your personal feelings.

Don't blame your boss, your significant other, your children. Yes, they may not do what you want or think they should do, but.... they are doing what they want and what they think they should do - that's good enough. Do what you believe is right for you and take responsibility for how you feel about yourself and your life.

8. Get sufficient sleep.

Sleep keeps you alert and younger. Need I say more?

9. Forgive yourself.

Always. Don't necessarily forget, but do forgive. No one is perfect; and, each of us makes our choices out of what we believe to be best in the moment. Forgive yourself and move on to what is next.

10. Remember, there is always somebody who loves you.... YOU!!!

If you have a hard time relating to this statement, there is more going on than can be dealt with in a top ten list. Love yourself... it is the foundation of all of your happiness and your ability to have healthy and generous relationships.

 

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Alternatives to Sugar

Sugar is known to be one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, contributors to poor health and obesity in modern society. While on occasion consuming a small amount of sugared foods may be acceptable, daily consumption should be avoided. Below are some great vegan alternatives to processed/evaporated sugar.

1. Apple Juice, or other fruit juices.

Depending on what you are using it for, apple juice can work wonders with many recipes. Use it in place of water when making fruit kanten - a vegan gelatin dish. It adds even more sweetness to the dessert. Or, use it to stew sliced apples or pears, add a pinch of salt, then add some raisins; stew until soft. What a great dessert!! For a thicker sauce, add a 1/2 teaspoon of kuzu....mmmmmmmm!!!

2. Raisins

My favorite uses for raisins as a sweetener are with 1) Oatmeal 2) Corn Meal 3) Grain salad.

3. Barley Malt

This product, and Brown Rice Syrup, are fantastic. I use them both - often interchangeably, in various baked dishes, like oatmeal raisin cookies. I often purchase a particular brand of chocolate candies that are made with Barley Malt instead of sugar and they are out of this world.

4. Brown Rice Syrup

I prefer the lighter flavor of this product. But - to each his/her own. Try both the Barley Malt and this and then decide for yourself.

5. Sweet Brown Rice

This one is for those persons looking for some serious health. There is a subtle sweetness to this item that comes out when it is used to make a breakfast gruel. Add some raisins and you've really got a great energy source for the day. No sugar added.

6. Maple Syrup

If you must have a stronger sweet fix, this is the way to go. It really satisfies the sweet tooth, but is not a refined product. But, again, let me emphasize: every effort should be made to curb the cravings. (See Point 10 for greater clarity on this subject.)

7. Carrots

The juice of some nice, ripe, chilled organic carrots is about as good as it gets on this green earth.

8. Stewed Fruits

As mentioned before with the apple juice, stewing fruits is a nice way to satisfy a need for a real dessert food. Mix up some fresh and dried fruits for variety and texture.

9. Vanilla Rice "Milk," or similar

If you like sweetened cereal in the morning, consider bypassing the milk and sugar routine by using a Vanilla flavored rice (or soy, but I prefer rice) "milk-type" drink. The vanilla adds a nice sweet flavoring and that way the sugar can be avoided more easily.

10. Less Meat and/or salty foods

I believe wholeheartedly in the principles of Macrobiotics - many of my teleclasses and coaching practices are based on assisting people in adapting their eating habits to some of the basic elements of MB. In this case, as it specifically relates to balancing food energies to eliminate cravings, it is crucial to know that opposites attract on the food energy continuum. If you eat what are "yang," or contractive foods (such as, meat, eggs, foul, hard cheese, salty/dry foods) you will crave what are "yin," or expansive foods (such as, alcohol, coffee, water, sugars, refined carbohydrates, etc.) Monitor yourself for awhile and test the idea. Most of you will recognize its validity just by being made conscious of the theory.